Learn To Trust The Universe
Sometimes, we don't have the answers... Learn to trust the universe
I sat outside in my garden early this morning. The first rays of the new day warming my skin. The steam on my tea had settled enough for me to take small sips with my eyes still closed. This blissful time of day always leads my thoughts on the path of gratitude. I am blessed. Blessed with peace, with this new dawn, with this breath.
Then, always so unexpectedly, univited, an old thought appeared as if around the bend of the tree, to say it's old good morning. The same old problem that I had toiled with for two years now, has awoken from his slumber too. He was here again. He just stood there, as if to ask me the same question he always does. "So what are you going to do about me.."
He has become a friend over time. He is no longer unfriendly or threatening as he used to be. He has become a friend, with a beard that I watched turn grey, and lately he carries a walking stick as he rests to take his place next to me. We have come to know each other, and he has been ever so patient in waiting for an answer.
We talked it over...
He reminded me of this one particular problem that seemingly has no answer. You know, the kind that just doesn't seem to go anywhere. It persists, it is a dead end. It has no explanation or reason and cannot be logically understood. It just appeared one day, and it needs an answer which you don't have.
The grey man and I sat there. I didn't offer him tea. Because somehow, I am frustrated at the crumpets of patience he has been feeding me. Filling my soul with what it needed to grow, rather than listening to my frustration. He always does that.
He unpacked the all too familier pieces of the puzzle again, and somehow, they don't seem any different from the day before. Sometimes, he loses pieces too. We had a look and a try and a sigh of unspoken words, and then he picked up his walking stick and left again, disappearing behind the tree where he came from. There is no hurry to this man, I often think...as he waved and said, " I will see you tomorrow!"
The long lesson of patience...
I sat for a while longer. The early morning wind rustling in the overhanging branches of the tree, whispering possibilities. My thoughts about the old man had changed a bit over the last few weeks. It seems that sometimes in life, there just aren't any answers, until we have burnt through the long candle of time. But I know it's light is patience. Patience will show the way on this dark road through it's light. Sometimes, we can't control what happens to us. What is given to us. We do the best we can, with the options we have.
Some things just don't have explanation. We put it down to bad luck, we can even feel guilt take hold of our hearts, we start wondering if we are paying some karmic debt. But it is none of that, none of it at all. It takes us through so many emotions that we fail to remember them all. Anxiety and depresssion, despair.
Then the sudden spurts of inspiration and clinging to a possible outcome, only to watch it disappear as the morning mist, with the old man reappearing from behind the tree, saying..." What are you going to do about me.." and you see him taking out his puzzle so many times that he becomes your friend. He builds this puzzle with you every day, and by the outlines of it you start seeing that precious word called "patience".
Just keep breathing...
So it seems not everything in life has nice crisp clear black or white answers. There is this grey old man inbetween. Life never promised to be fair, that is often hard to accept. It is through these times of despair and lengthened struggles that the gardens of our souls are weeded and trimmed away. Prepared for blossoming as spring is sure to come. We know this! Inherintly, we know, but it is damn difficult to accept that the soul needs all this stabbing and poking around and all this painful preparation to bare it fruit! But just, take a small step back, let go of all that emotion, and just look at it...just..look. Just keep breathing through this process, one breath at a time, that breath carries with it a light too. It is a clear promise that this breath will hold your hand to the next breath, until you can take one more small step. Then take that step, however slow, make sure it is forward. Endure...breathe. Bring it all back to centre again, where you will find the tangible calmness it brings to the lense of your perspective again, so that you can find understanding in how to navigate your way through the situation.
In longsuffering, keep going...
Realise that whatever you are facing, can, and will be overcome. It is the law. It is eb and flow, it is divine balance. It is our human nature to want to understand, to be in control, this is why it is so uncomfortable. We want to know the details of why and how, we resent the process, we protest loudly until we are out of breath. But now, you need to keep breathing. Accept that you do not need to understand, in this great expance, how do we know what we are balancing. Accept, that this puzzle is one that might take time to solve. For now, you have this breath, and the promise that if you take it, it will take you to the next one. That's all you need to do for now. Time is that long candle, and it must burn. Do not worry over how long it will take. That is not the lesson of time. Accept that time is a candle, and it holds light so you may see. Yes, inside the very object of your affliction, is the light that will help you find your way.
Don't lose hope, take courage..
I agree. It is a ridiculous notion to even think it possible to try and console the mother who has just lost her baby, or the widow, struggling to make ends meet for her children. The father who is ill with cancer, knowing he will have to leave his family some time soon. Seeing people suffer and die who only deserved to live. We simply can't...
I know this though. As certainly as this morning sun is here to greet me again today, so will the light also come to your impossible night. It is loyal, it is true, it is certain. I know that life is eb and flow. I know that character is being chissled into my soul. I accept. Life is just this intricate balance of holding on and letting go and laughter and crying, and hope, and agony. This is life!
No heart is too broken to be healed. No pain too deep to not feel love's touch. No problem is given without it's outcome. Take courage in knowing that we are all in this together. All of us have walked a desert with sand in our eyes and blisters on our feet. We have walked with fear and uncertainty, and all of us deeply know, that this too, has passed. Better days surely followed. We don't know how, we just know it did in the end, and we can smile to that.
Be gentle with yourself...
I encourage you to keep taking those small steps, however meaningless they may feel, but take them forward. And if you must fall, fall forward. You may fall seven times, but promise to get up eight. Pay attention to the light of parience along the way. It has come with gentle hands, to remove the anger, the resentment, the misunderstandings, the fear. It's light held out to you, bringing pieces of the puzzle.
Surrender a little. Let it go. Learn to trust the universe again. Learn about that old man, make him a friend. Listen to his stories, they are so full of wisdom... As surely as this dawn came out of the dark night from before, so will your sun rise